Thursday, November 06, 2008

Cycle #6

It is our 6th month of trying to have a baby. This month Obama won the election, and I feel hopeful for this cycle. I also feel really relaxed. Although I continue to read about other people's experiences with TTC I feel more detached from it this month and just at peace. I am able to read about other people's positive and negative stories without feeling any jealousy or sadness. I can be happy for other people's pregnancies again!

Honestly, although I'd always said trying could take a while, I thought I'd be lucky and it would happen right away. I started young and I have no health problems, so why wouldn't I be able to conceive right away. After going through so many years of needing to do everything right to not get pregnant, it doesn't really sink in that pregnancy isn't guaranteed when you do everything "wrong".

Last month I found out that a friend is 4 months pregnant. It really hit me because this friend got married the day John and I decided to start trying. I don't remember the last time I felt that sad and hopeless. I'm hoping that when we look back we see that the 5-month mark was the lowest point emotionally on our TTC journey. Even if this takes a lot longer, I hope from this point I'll be able to approach the issue with more perspective and John will be more emotionally supportive so that we can get through this together.

This month I started tracking my cycle by taking my temperature daily and OPKs. I think that has contributed to feeling at peace, because I feel like I'm already doing everything I can do to make this happen. Once I've done all I can do, it is just up to the gods or fates or chance...

We are now in the 2 week waiting period, so feeling calm is good. It will be a miracle if I am able to remain calm all the way until the next testing day.

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