Sunday, October 28, 2007

Just Old Friends

This probably isn't the best thing to post about. But I need to write about it, so here goes... After I get this out, I promise a post about my wedding!

My wedding was everything it should have been - a beautiful, wonderful event shared with my family, loved ones, and the most wonderful man in the world. But, instead of 6 of my closest friends standing beside me, there were only 4.

One of the only things about my wedding that was set from the very beginning was our wedding party. J and I sat in our villa in Tuscany the same September evening he proposed and wrote down the names of the men and women we wanted beside us at the wedding. As soon as we arrived back home, we asked these people to be our bridesmaids/groomsmen and they all agreed. Our wedding was scheduled for the next year's Labor Day weekend to ensure that everyone had enough time to travel for the wedding.

In mid-May, I received a message from one of my bridesmaids telling me she had bad news. She could no longer come to the wedding. Two days later, I receive an email from another bridesmaid telling me that she can no longer come to the wedding. At this point it seemed like a bad joke - this couldn't be real, the timing was too much of a coincidence.

For a week I waited for them to tell me it was all a joke - that of course they wouldn't miss my wedding for the world! I spoke to both of them and told them that their presence meant a lot to me, and that we would do anything to help them make it to the wedding. I also let them know that I would understand if they couldn't make it.

Neither one of them changed their minds or told me how I could help. It was that easy. Suddenly I went from 6 bridesmaids to 4.

I was so sad that I wanted to call off the formal wedding. I couldn't imagine continuing with all the wedding planning. I just wanted to run away with John and elope. I would break down in tears in public and J would take me home to try to console me. J agreed to call off the wedding and elope. We put off sending out invitations for about 2 weeks while I thought about what I wanted to do (and reviewed all contracts for their cancellation policies).

Looking back I shouldn't have let them off so easy. They caused me so much pain, and they didn't even have to know how much they hurt me. I told them that I forgave them, that I knew they tried, that I knew that they thought my wedding was important. To my other friends I said that they were just too young and didn't know what they were doing. Deep down, I will never fully forgive them. Why would I now put effort into a relationship that they have demonstrated means so little to them?

People say I am lucky to find out now that they aren't good friends, just old acquaintances. I just really never wanted to find that out.


Blogger e said...

hi. i found your blog through mama nabi.

i just wanted to say i sympathize with you, as a similar thing happened to me.

ever since my wedding i've re-evaluated old friendships. 3 out of 8 close college friends never replied or wished me well. my husband's 3 close childhood friends refused to come because it was too far. our wedding was small, only 70 people (65% family).

on the flip side, my dear friend from childhood called me as soon as she received the card and said, of course i'm coming! even though she lives on the other side of the country. we only speak once or twice a year, but it's like we intuitively understand each other always.

these other old friends of mine, acquaintances, really, were people i met in college. circumstances have changed, and we clearly have drifted apart.

it's sad to think that the people you counted on to support you during a wonderful and momentous event were not who you thought they were.

5:41 PM  

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