Sunday, August 13, 2006

Ranting Online

I have a difficult time using this blog. Whenever there is something negative that I want to talk about I have to be worried who may see it and what they will think. I started this blog so that my parents would have some way of seeing pictures and stories of my life across the country, but I'd prefer not to give them any more reason to worry. Also, J knows about this blog, so that severly cuts down on things I can complain about.

But here goes anyway.

I'm sick of people asking if I'm engaged yet.

I know that it is mostly my own fault because me and J have been talking about it for a while and it is more a question of 'when' than 'if'. I know it is also my fault because I got scared and worried if I was too young for that kind of commitment a year ago, and were it not for that--we'd already be engaged. It is also my fault because (as you might have surmised from the previous post) I am a homebody and don't have much to talk about aside from J. I even understand that you are curious--hell, I'm curious. But it is still frustrating.

First of all, I want everyone to know that WERE I engaged we would have a phone call sounding something like this:

Me: Hi so-and-so! Guess what?
You: Hi Elise! What?
Me: I'm engaged!
...

I promise it will be OBVIOUS. I will not chat for an hour with you and then when you ask "So are you engaged yet?" say "OH YEAH...I completely forgot. He actually proposed 3 weeks ago."

Second of all, asking does not help. If you ask me when we are getting engaged, it only brings up my own frustration with the whole situation (because of the many reasons I blame myself for the question listed above). This leads to fights with J over why we are not engaged. Fights over not being engaged lead to J feeling that I am "pressuring" him. J feeling that I am "pressuring" him leads to him not proposing because he wants to do it when it is a surprise for me and not forced upon him.

I can't fault you for asking, though, because if I were to eliminate the 'fight with J' step then asking wouldn't have any consequences.

And, to be honest, the fight with J step wasn't just caused by questions. It was also triggered by friends getting engaged who have been dating for less than 1/3 of the time we have.

So I guess the long and short of it is that no one did anything wrong but I would appreciate if you would just wait until I tell you it happened.

1 Comments:

Blogger weigook saram said...

I went through this when I was a couple of years into my relationship with my now-husband. It wasn't so much that I wanted to get married, but everyone around me was getting married, and my family really pressured me. Don't let it get to you. And don't rush. It's such a huge step, and you definitely don't want him to feel rushed.

I should also tell you that a couple of those people who kept asking are now divorced. So you never know.

5:51 PM  

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